two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
