Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
