I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
