I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
