Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize