Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
