All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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