we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
