I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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