This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
