I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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