this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
