You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
