I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
