I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
