you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
