god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
