Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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