Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
