Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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