I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I touched a dick in church today
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