i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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