i just had sex bonerless
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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