clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
