with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
how drunk are you?
Several
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
