I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy sore nipples Batman
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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