I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
