Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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