took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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