yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
