I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
