My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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