I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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