so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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