somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
