so let's talk penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
