I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
