there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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