We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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