Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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