you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
