she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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