I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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