Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
