Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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