So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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