You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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