so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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