I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
