i just made my gag reflex go away.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
